I Still Remember
by shellers23
Summary: This story revolves around the events which occur in season 6 of Once Upon a Time. If you haven't seen the episodes then it contains spoilers. This story will one shots from Belle's perspective
1. I still Remember

**I still remember**

 **I thought of you the other day**

 **How worlds of change led us astray**

 **Colors seem to fade to gray**

 **In the wake of yesterday…**

 **Blackmore's night**

Belle extracted from the box, enters the portal back to Storybook leaving Rumple behind. Belle decides the warning for her son, must drive her actions and that she cannot let Rumple into their lives and disappoint them anymore, no matter how much she wants to. Her son is now her priority.

Despite these thoughts circulating around in Bell's head she cannot help but walk past Gold's Pawn Shop and stare at it from the outside. Belle wants to enter, she really does but she knows she cannot be weak. Right now she has to be strong, she needs to **_do the brave thing, and bravery will follow_**. So with one last look, she leaves and heads back to her apartment above the library.

It is within the safe haven of her own place, her little open space apartment, with its light sun yellow walls, a grey two seater sofa adorned with light pink cushions and a patched green, pink and white throw blanket. in front of the sofa was a small white and grey coffee table, followed by a tv. To the left of the sofa, where the window was stood a bookcase made of oak followed by a door to Belle's the right side of where the coffee table was located was the kitchen area.

Belle placed her keys in the little jar by the door and collapsed on the sofa, where she finally broke down and began to cry. She cried for all the heartache of the past, and the life without Rumple which would be her future. Belle remembered the words she spoke, that **_them being together only causes heartbreak,_** and she began to cry harder but the tears didn't last much longer when the image of her son surfaced to the front of her mind. He woke her, gave her a test which she passed and would continue to pass no matter how much it hurt her. He gave her a warning, pleaded with her to stay away from Rumple and not let him destroy them. As long as she did right by her son, not much else mattered. Her feelings were always going to come second to his; perhaps together they can, no they will be happy. ****

Fuelled by the thought of her son, Belle begins to plan out their lives; begins to contemplate whether they will remain in Storybook or move into the city, whether she wants her father in her life, in her sons life, while he might love her just as Rumple does, he too as let her down so so many times that they might be better off without him. After all he would not give her true loves kiss to wake her, instead he would rather she stay in a sleeping curse if it meant her and Rumple would not be together. She was her own woman, her own person, she made her own decisions and believed those decisions should be respected regardless of whether anyone thought they were good or not, after all it was her life not theirs. If they did remain in StoryBrooke would Belle let Rumple see their child, or would she shield their little boy away from the darkness which holds a rooted place in his fathers heart. Lastly if they stayed would Belle be strong enough to stay away from Rumple, to live in the same town, see him each day, would she be strong enough to stay away from the his Antique shop, a place where Belle spent most of her time when not at the library, infant when she banished Rumple, she spent more time there than at the library.

The more thoughts which swirled in Belle's head, the decision started to become clearer, her life in StoryBrooke was complicated, and to rid herself and her son of these ties perhaps life outside of this little town would be better. These were the thoughts that continued to plague Belle's mind as she entered dreamland, in the safety of her apartment, her own special domain which ironically was given to her by the man she loves, and will always love.


	2. The Power of Love

**On my way through the forest I can hear a soft voice**

 **But inside my heart it feels strong**

 **It tells me to follow so I don't hesitate**

 **It will lead me to where I belong**

 **Lunatica - The Power of Love**

The red smoke has now disappeared, my racing heart slowly returning to normal, I look down and see the gold band on my wrist. So many thoughts were going though my mind. I must have spaced out for quite some time as I never realised I was now alone awkwardly standing in Zelena's kitchen.

The walk back to Hook's ship wasn't long but it felt like eternity had passed. For the first time I felt alone, I lost all faith and hope of ever repairing our relationship. We were broken. I was so consumed in my own thoughts that I hadn't realised it began to rain, or that I even stopped walking and was just standing in the middle of StoryBrook.

Belle, Belle are you ok? You've been standing there for sometime now….

I heard someone say, my mind was swirling this several thoughts I didn't even realise whose voice it was until I saw Emma standing there, concern written all over her face, I then noticed two other people walking towards us, Regina and Henry. Emma looked like she wanted to say more but I quickly replied

Yeah, I'm fine Emma; I gave a small smile and continued walking, wanting to put a stop to any more prying questions that may follow, no matter how innocent it was

Belle wait, Emma called out

I stopped and turned around, Emma walked over to me and gave what felt like a pep talk about how I could go to her if I ever needed help:

Belle, I know were not that close but if you ever needed help, whether its someone to talk to, someone to vent to, someone to be your drinking buddy or someone to listen then i'm here for you, we are friends after all, and thats what friends are for

I thanked her and continued walking

I finally made it back to the ship, I couldn't be bothered to change out of my wet clothes so I made my way straight to be bed and lay down

Deep down I know Rumple could be a good man, with a good marriage. I believe deep down he does care for me and our son yet he continues to choose power over us. He continues to try and show how strong he is, and justifies his need for power to protect us; ironically he is the one we need protecting from. In the beginning I knew I needed to do what was right for my son, our son. He gave me a warning, tested me to make sure I would do right by him, he warned me to not let Rumple destroy us like he did his last family **;** no matter how painful it was to stay away I remained strong. There were so many times I thought we could be together and raise our son together. I remained hopeful that Rumple would change, that he would be the man I knew he could be. After all he has proven in the past that he could be that man, the man who used his powers for good. Until he made that change I would not go back to him. Now my eyes are open to the truth and that is Rumple is not the man I thought he was, or more like he is not acting like the man he was, or the man he could be. No matter how much darkness consumed him in the past a part of me always felt safe. Time and time again Rumple had the chance to harm me physically and he never did. Even before I got to know the man that was hidden behind the various layers of facades I felt safe with him which was one of the reasons I was able to go with him all those years ago. I wanted to be a hero, that much was true but after time I realised that was not the only reason behind my actions. Now I realise a part of me was curious and attracted to Rumple, and a part of me knew he would never harm me.

Rumple had many chances in the past to hurt me but instead he either let me go or attempted to be threatening and angry shouting at me, but he never appeared threatening. The time I set Robin Hood free came to mind: Rumple insisted that I would have to watch him kill Robin Hood for stealing from him, he magically stuck me in the ground so I couldn't escape to make sure I would see the consequences to my action. Rumple being Rumple, always dramatic even claimed he would be it with Robin's own bow, a bow magically enchanted to never miss its target, yet Rumple did miss. I managed to get through to him, because deep down Rumple was not a evil man, he imposed that image upon himself but underneath all the layers that was not the case.

Deep down Rumple was kind, he was complex and didn't like the thought of being weak but he wasn't truly evil, he was just severely misguided and full of hatred and dark thoughts yet he had the capability to do good. No matter what others said I always saw the man he could be, the man he was but was too afraid to show, the man that would never harm me; now I'm not so sure that is the case. I no longer regret my decisions as my actions now are completely justified. Rumple will do whatever it takes to get what he wants but I won't allow that. I will break free from him, and our son will be safe, he will be protected and sheltered from the darkness thats rooted and consumes Rumple's entire being. Thats the vow I make to him my unborn son.


	3. Twist and Turns of Fate

A/N This chapter is more of a diary entry based on the events which occur in 6x11, as before its from Belles perspective, the quotes are from the episode. I hope its clear but if it isn't let me know through the comments and perhaps I can rewrite it if need be

Thank-you for reading this fic so far, and I hope to write more in the future :)

 _"Hello Mother, Hello Father"_

If I didn't see his face, I never would believe my sweet baby, my little boy, my angel who I gave up to protect and shield from everything bad would be standing in front of me, staring at us with eyes full of hatred and contempt, that the rumoured hooded figure that would kill Emma would be our son.

My heart sank, this couldn't be happening, I didn't want this fate for my baby boy. I wanted him to grow up brave, to be honest and kind, to be a hero, and yet here I stand with my son and know deep down that he is probably none of those things and it's partly my fault. I tried to do what was best for him, and in the end I didn't. In the end he must have grown up with pain, with anger with emotions of rage and hatred. For what or whom is unclear except for the fact he is after Emma. The reason for this I am not privy to at this stage but I will find out and I will save him no matter what.

I've learnt many things from my relationship with Rumple, I have learnt how easy it is to see the good in people, or more specifically to create the vision of goodness in others based on a tiny gesture of goodness. I have leant that feelings of love can create strength in an individual but it can also be their greatest downfall. That the love they feel and see creates illusions which are untrue or partial truths. This has been my mistake several times in regard to Rumple and how I've interpreted his actions, hopefully I don't make this mistake with Gideon, hopefully I, or perhaps, we, can change the course of his future, actually change it and not get swept up into a world of lies, deceit and the ignorance to what is happening. No ignorant is not the right word, to not be blind and unaccepting to what I know is true deep down. Hopefully it is not too late for us to bring out the light which resides in him and chase away all the darkness.

 _'What did she do to you?_

 _She did many things, tried to make me evil but failed because in all of those dark years I remembered you mother, I tried to follow your example_

 _So your not here to kill the saviour_

 _I am, and when I kill Emma Swan, I'll finally become a hero too"_

Gideon has finally shed some light on why he intends to kills Emma, but none of this makes sense to me, but that doesn't matter as it does to him, our son is certain that killing Emma is the answer, and killing Emma must be done no matter the cost. If there is one thing our son has inherited it is our stubbornness both mine and Rumple's. As soon as this thought crosses my mind he's gone, he's left and all that is left behind is reddish orange smoke and the feeling of being broken. Broken and confused. I know this is not the time to be weak and succumb to these emotions, now is the time to be strong, in order to save my little boy. It is for this reason I will try and talk to David and Hook, to try and get help from those who have protected StoryBrook and the Enchanted forest for sometime now; perhaps together we can convince Gideon that killing Emma is not the solution, I want him to know that here in StoryBrook he has family and friends willing to help him. I want to save him with my words and through love.

I now realise that the world is not so black and white, that there are many shades of grey. I have always believed that to be good or to be evil was a simple choice, but it is much more complex:

 _"I protected him, even when I knew what he wanted to do_

 _It can be easy to rationalise doing the wrong thing cant it_

 _indeed it can_

 _is it too late for us to help him"_

I am finally seeing the truth of what Rumple said in the underworld, " Good and bad depends on your point of view" Gideon believes killing Emma will result in him becoming saviour and by extension he will be able to save those within the Dark Faeries Realm, those under her reign, yet to achieve this he has to kill another, an action which will blacken his heart. I still will not advocate that it is OK to harm others but understand that sometimes others will regard this as their only option regardless of whether they are viewed as a Hero or a Villain. David and Killian were willing to harm Gideon if it meant they could save Emma, while I understood his reasons for wanting to harm my son, I felt of surge of protection wash through me and knew that I would not allow that to happen and if need be I would stop their advances. No matter what Gideon is doing, I would protect him, I would protect him even though I know what he is doing is wrong. That is not to say I agree with him but I would find another way to get through to him, and allow no harm to come to him, even if it meant going against my friends.

 _If he's really planning to kill Emma_

 _We must stop him_

 _Neither one of our children need to be harmed_

 _Take your shot but if it doesn't work_

It was also at this moment that I realised Rumple or myself may be the only people I trust to stop our son, that those I considered hereos suddenly became the villain in my eyes, despite knowing and understanding the motives behind their actions, the core to the truth of the matter was saving Emma was their top priority while saving Gideon was mine. Up until now my hopes and plans have not gone how I wanted them to no matter what I've done or who I trusted, but this time is different I plan to save Gideon and it will be done, together we can save him from others as well as himself.


End file.
